Sturgeon the Surgeon-A WARNING!

An artist's impression of Sturgeon's ' dong lust'

Loyal Labour men in North Britain are being warned to hold onto to their meat and two veg, if you know what I mean. Details have emerged that Gnat bitch Sturgeon is just crazy for severed Labour boaby. Nicolas lust for Labour 'you know whats' has been a closely guarded Gnat secret-until now! I can exclusively reveal that Sturgeon is not even human but is a sinister creature from the planet tartan that must consume three freshly gnashed Labour manhoods a day in order to survive. In fact electoral experts estimate it was Nicola's last minute frenzied willie gnashing that won it for the Gnats as emasculated Labour voters were left pissing through straws in the run up to the election. Sources close to Douglas Alexander say that he was forced to cock up the the elections or face the loss of his 12" whopper at the jaws of Sturgeon.

This news has increased fears that the mighty Kelly dong is in danger! The people of Renfrewshire have long been impressed with the size and girth of the Kelly beast. Who can forget the wonderful occasion when the mighty Councillor Kelly returned from a call of nature with his fly down. Men, women, children and animals alike were amazed at Terry's mighty red lady pleaser. It is rumoured that Sturgeon has become increasingly hard to satisfy and demanded conman Salmond bring her the famous Kelly member in return for her continued loyalty.

Last night Terry Kelly said "When you have the biggest cock in Renfrewshire you expect a bit of jealousy. Only this week that idiot thug "Right for Scotland" ran up the road crying as I made the public aware of my 15,000 ft and growing, swinging, big dick and laughed at his teeny half incher but Sturgeon's snap happy teeth mark a new low -even for the Gnats. I am confident that it won't be schlong until the public see that Gnats for the sick, parochial boaby biters they are and restore the glorious Labour party to their rightful place."

No one from the Scumbag Nazi Party was available for comment.

NO BETTER THAN A COMMON PROSTITUTE

Terry Kelly has sensationally exposed this "lady" as been no better than a common prostitute after she got into bed with the ENTIRE RENFREWSHIRE SNP MOB. Previosly this whore had offered herself to THE ENTIRE LABOUR GROUP but set her prices too high for LOrd tErrY.

HERE ARE THE SACRED WORDS OF OUR LEADER TERRY

"leader Cllr. Eileen McCartin has now been bought and paid for, the Lib. Dems. remind me of the great comedy actress Margaret DuMont, she was asked if she would bestow a kiss on Groucho Marx for money, her outraged reply was "what kind of woman do you think I am" to which Groucho replied " we've already established what kind of woman you are, now we're haggling about your price"

THIS SICKENING BEHAVIOUR WAS PREDICTED IN THE BOOK OF REVALATIONS SAYS THE REV DR TERRY PAISLEY!!!!

"the great whore that sitteth upon many waters: with whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of Renfrewshire have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication." (Rev. 17:1-2 KJV)

What this tells us that the SNP FREELY CONSORT WITH WHORES!!!!!!!!! OUR WUMMEN ARE NOT SAFE!!!!! SALMOND IS A HOORMAISTER!!!!!!!